I’m tired of saying I’m going to do a video and not doing it. I keep making excuses as to why I don’t – too busy, too sick, nowhere to do it – it’s all bull. All of it. I haven’t been videoing because I haven’t been hooping a lot. And I have also not been videoing because I have put way too much pressure on myself to live up to being as awesome as everyone tells me I am. What you all see is not what I feel I am, which is pretty damn stupid, I know.
I have been terrified of putting up anything that I think makes me look stupid and galumpy and you know what? Enough. I told myself tonight I would hoop and I would film it and I would stick it right up on the internet without editing. I haven’t even watched it all the way through. I saw thirty seconds or so at the beginning and a bit less than that of the end. And you know what else? I’m BLINDFOLDED, so I can’t even do anything particularly clever.
I am getting over my stupid mental block by just PUTTING SOMETHING UP. I won’t do this every day, but by golly I believe I would like to try doing it once a week. Like a journal of how I develop. My flow is crap, my ability to focus on hooping and not on people watching me is crap, and I have had bloody blasted well ENOUGH OF THAT, thank you, so here we go.
Oh yes. The song is “Hurricane Drunk” by Florence+the Machine, and I am sure I didn’t do it anywhere near the justice that I would have liked but I will not allow myself to be hamstrung by my own fragilities and pickiness any freakin’ more.