Here’s a quick guide to who’s who in my world, with links where applicable.
Lissa: Oh, duh. If I have to explain this one, go away.
Maggie: Is my Buffy, my former roommate, and the first person upon whom fads are generally inflicted. I met her in a role-playing chat room when we were teenagers. I did not actually meet her face to face until I had been living in her home for three weeks last year. Likes Fage yogurt, blogging, Coupling, Horlick’s, Hobnobs, Minstrels, and many other things I didn’t actually bring into the house and foist upon her. Mother of Hunter, the most adorable toddler in the world.
Fayne: I met her around my birthday in 2006, when she moved from Washington state to stay with Maggie, one of her best friends. Now she is also one of mine, for I adore her. She is feisty and talented and has the prettiest hair ever. Plus she’s just pretty, in general. She likes Renaissance festivals, her two adorable small children, Two Dollar Tuesdays, and that Buckcherry song, Crazy Bitch.
Miss Teensy: The other roommate from my beginnings in Fort Worth. Is the very epitome of the spunky, sarcastic Texas female. Together, we managed to get into a lot of trouble we were never looking for. Likes menthol cigarettes, coffee, romance novels, and good-looking men.
Sanford: My best friend since college, and also one of the Legion of Exes (these guys, they tend to stick around, not altogether a bad thing). Likes DCI, hockey, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Linux, Quakecon, and going Tolkien on your ass. Is generally my opposite in all the ways that make polite small talk impossible, which is probably why we manage to stay friends. Well, that and our geek niches, which are separate but compatible and make us a nerd force to reckon with.
Marc and Andrew: Known to the world as the Brobdingnagian Bards, we’ve been lucky enough to perform at a few Faires with them. And it IS luckiness, for sure. I have the biggest crush on both of them – come on, they wear kilts, they’re hysterical, they’re intelligent, they’re amazing musicians, and oh my WORD are they the best eye candy on the face of the planet. That they seem to enjoy hugging us does not hurt, either. Seriously, we adore them beyond reason, they have been amazing to us, really supportive and lovely. Two of my favorite guys ever.
Hawke and Cedric: aka The Bedlam Bards. We are also fortunate to share a stage with them from time to time. They are generous and funny and two of the dirtiest minds I know. Not to mention amazing musicians in their own right. If you call yourself a Browncoat, you had better know who these fellows are, and you had gorram well better have a copy of “On The Drift” in your CD collection. Truly, no words can describe what these men have done for us or how much we adore and appreciate them.
Miz Blo: My oldest friend, who I met when we were in the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls together. I roomed with her for about four months, once, and we nearly killed each other. It turns out we are at our naughty best when we are many miles apart and see each other only intermittently. Likes road trips, loud music, lunch at La Madeleine, sparkly things, and pillow fights.
JD: My longest running ex, we dated/lived together intermittently from 1998-2004. He is very nice, and very cute, and super weird. Still one of my best friends although we never talk because we are both terrible communicators. It’s odd to see him nowadays and remember that we used to live together, because once we finally realized we really were not people who should be dating each other, the whole previous six years just seemed like a weird parallel universe. Likes video games, brussels sprouts, Rifts, ferrets, and has a secret enjoyment of Sarah McLachlan singles.
Maya: JD’s current girlfriend who also happens to be a former coworker of mine. And his – JD and I worked for the same company once, at different times. We supported each other emotionally through our giantly nasty breakups by watching cheesy movies and eating Mallomars. We didn’t speak for a long time when she started dating JD because I was furious at both of them, but now I don’t think I could imagine life without the woman who introduced me to the wonders of the movie Singles. Likes photography, India, text messaging, and a lot of the same bewilderingly noisy music that JD does that I never understood – see why they get along so well?
Reneat/Kate: The reason I joined up with the Drunken Damsels. I met her through Jeffrey and she has become one of my dearest friends. She has a terrific husband (he drums and also cooks a mean fried rice and a killer, killer spaghetti sauce) and a perfectly adorable new baby. Kate and I together scare most of our mutual male friends; not sure why, really. Likes belly dancing, her family, Terry Pratchett, fudge, and baking bread.
Becca: My gorgeous redheaded friend, who I met through Jeffrey. I met her at karaoke, though she does not herself sing. We have impromptu slumber parties, make out a lot, and say the word “fuck” way too much. Likes emo boys, the sight of gay men making out, smearing frosting on your face, and stuffing dollar bills down my cleavage when I perform, at her request, “I Touch Myself” by the Divynls.
Jane: My wee adorable redheaded friend, also met through Jeffrey at karaoke. Jane does sing, and very well. She is also an amazing writer. And has a vibrating tongue. I love hanging out with her and talking for hours on end, and also making out with her (I might make out with girls too much). Likes writing, singing, Harry Potter, and the movie Lost and Delirious.
ForkGirl: My sister in law. Met in the same chat room as Maggie and Bandit, but I met her face to face before I met them. Then I introduced her to my brother. They are now married. Likes cats, chocolate, raging against idiots, and the fact that she finally has a butt.
Oz: My oldest brother, and the person I inflicted on ForkGirl. He used to be Sporkboy, Skitch Blackjack, and…oh, hell, look, changing our names runs in the family, okay? Kind of like itinerant moving around, we do that a lot too. I get along with him best out of all my siblings, but he hates it when I give him noogies because it messes up his hair. Too bad; I’m the big sister and it is my right. Likes cool shoes, console gaming, writing, and Dr. Pepper.
Izzy: One of the triumvirate that makes up Les Tartes Originales, the cofounders of the Tiara Tarts. She is from a place called Banham, somewhere in the UK and when she moved to Lake Charles ten years ago, she ended up opening the only British Pagan specialty shop…um…anywhere. God, she is so cool, and one of my most awesome friends ever. Likes proper British chocolate, Mai Tai daiquiris from the Frosty Factory, Mini Coopers, and Eddie Izzard.
Bettie Page: The final member of Les Tartes Originales, she works in tourism and is so sweet and quiet, you’d never know how awfully naughty she really is. Likes very bad men, British comedy, and fur-lined leather wrist restraints.
William/Jeffrey: William Floyd, he who I loved for years. Thought he loved me too, and I trusted and believed in him, and all the time he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me, he was sleeping with other women, who usually didn’t know about me, either – so he wasn’t only callous and hurtful, he was sexually irresponsible.
Were I still his girlfriend, I’d do a Google search for him, if only to try and figure out how someone so darn lovable could have so many hostile, crazy ex girlfriends. And I might ask him why he was sleeping with one of them last summer while he was seducing me. You know, just to sort of clear the air.
Or you could wait, because eventually he always incriminates himself.
But I might just be pro-active, before I waste too many years loving someone who is incredibly selfish, directionless, and irresponsible with other people’s emotions and sexual health.
That’s what I’d do.
